baby due to family pressure is unimaginable. This woman's
case is one sad example.
Read what she told Punch's Toyosi Ogunseye below…
When did you get married?
We got married in 2004
Did you do HIV tests before you got married?
Yes, we did. It was a compulsory test before getting married.
We were both HIV negative.
When did you realise you had the virus?
It was in 2007. I got pregnant and was asked to do some
random tests. That was how I found out I was HIV positive.
Do you know how you contracted the virus?
Sometimes, it's difficult to tell because there are so many
ways through which one can get the virus but you can trace it
if you vividly remember the activities you engaged in for
some months and years.
Can you explain what you mean by activities one engages
in?
In my case, my husband married me a virg*n and like I told
you earlier, I was HIV negative and so was he when we got
married. Certain things happened to me that exposed me to
unhealthy practices and I believe strongly that that was how I
got HIV.
Unhealthy practices?
I could not conceive when I got married. My husband was not
worried because it was a young marriage, but his family
members were not happy with me. They said all sorts of nasty
things to me and tried to get my husband to send me out of
the house. It created tension in my home. I went to different
churches and herbalists within and outside Lagos. In the
herbalist's home, I was given incisions with a razor blade. I
received the incisions on two different occasions. Then in
2007, my mother-in-law arranged a new wife for my husband
behind my back.
Did he tell you about the new wife?
No. In fact, I didn't know until much later. It was one of my
friends in the village that told me what my mother-in-law had
been up to. My husband just told me that he was going to our
village to see his mum. I did not suspect anything. It was on
that trip they introduced the new wife to him. He rejected the
wife and came back to Lagos but he did not tell me anything.
One day, one of my friends called me and asked me if I knew
what my husband came to the village for. She narrated the
scheme to me and I confronted my husband. He said he didn't
tell me because it would hurt me. He reasoned that since he
didn't take the wife, I would be happy not knowing what
transpired in the village.
It was that same year my in-laws wanted to get another wife
for my husband that I got pregnant. That is why I counsel
women that patience is everything. I got pregnant when God
was ready to give me a child. It wasn't the herbalist or white
garment churches that made it possible. They gave me some
very horrible concoctions to drink in those churches after
praying on them. They took me to rivers to have my bath.
When I saw that all those things were not working, I stopped.
Several months after, I just discovered I was pregnant. In
fact, I remember vividly that at the herbalist's place, I didn't
give them the blade that was used for the incisions. That was
the least thing on my mind, I just wanted a baby.
How many people did you see at the herbalist each time
you went?
Quite a few, mostly women and it was the quest for children
that took them there. They also got incisions.
Was it with the same blade?
I'm not sure about that because we went in at separate times
How did your husband receive the news of your status?
Towards the end of 2007, I got pregnant. He felt very bad
when he heard about my status. He was downcast. I thought it
was the end of our marriage. I thought it was the end of
everything I struggled to keep. He shocked me when he said
he was not going to leave me and it wasn't the end of the
world but that he needed to do the test too. He did it and he
was negative. I gave birth to our child and she's negative.
Do you experience any sort of stigmatisation?
No, my status is known to only my husband and I, and he has
never used it to taunt me in any way. That is how I know that
he truly loves me. Of course, it took him some time to get
over it, it was very gradual but he took it calmly. We were
both very sad. We went for counselling together. I told him
that it was my desperation to have a child that forced me to
seek alternative measures. He didn't know I went to all those
places. He's very understanding and I sometimes wonder if
he's for real.
What steps do you take to ensure he remains negative?
We have two children now and they are both negative. He
uses a cond•m and whenever we are trying to procreate, we
are both placed on drugs to ensure that he doesn't contract it.
I have spoken to a few women who share similar experiences
with you. What advice would you give to women, especially
the married ones that are yet to have children?I wish our
society would just leave couples alone and stop interfering
with whether they have children or not. That is the problem,
everyone feels they should have a say in one's marriage. The
first step is that couples should not allow family members or
friends tell them what is best for them. Also women should be
patient. Just look at me, if I had been patient, all these would
not have happened to me. Couples should know that God's
time is the best.
I also want to say that HIV does not kill. What kills is
depression and laziness. Some people will say because they
are HIV positive, they will stop working and start being
dependent on others. Being dependent on other people will
affect one's psyche, lead to depression and eventually death.
In addition I will advise people, spread the news, but don't
spread the virus.
Via: Punch
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