need to have that discussion. I can't tell you exactly how
long is too long, but I can give some guidance on how to
work toward finding your individual answer.
Dating is Not Forever
There are a small percentage of people who have no interest
in marriage and will date infinitely. That's fair, and the
right thing for those people to do is to let you know up
front that this is only dating and it's not going any farther
than this. Pertaining to the rest of us, dating has an
expiration date. Dating is an opportunity for me to learn as
much as possible about my woman. It's not meant to be a
permanent place of residence in case "something better"
comes along. As a man, I have a responsibility to let my
woman know and let her family know what my intentions
are (if we are serious).
Dating has an expiration date. Dating is an opportunity for
me to learn as much as possible about my woman. It's not
meant to be a permanent place of residence in case "something better" comes along.
It's reasonable to expect that serious relationships have a
timetable to become fruitful marriages. The timetable is
different for each relationship. What we have to consider is
if a woman makes it clear she wants to be married and our
relationship has grown to that level, she deserves a man
who values her enough to marry her, or appreciates her
enough to let her go find someone that will. If we are truly
selfless, we will think of her needs and desires above ours
and either give her what she expects and deserves or allow
her to be free to get those needs met elsewhere. Dating is a
means to an end, not a synonym for an indentured servant
or concubine. If she wants to get married, make it happen
or keep it moving.
What is Your Timetable?
I know a couple who dated for 10 years, had children and
never got married. I also know a couple, who dated 14
years, has 2 children and did not marry. The woman in each
relationship wanted to be married. The man in each
relationship might have gotten married—but they didn't
have anything to show them they needed to be married.
They lived as though they were married, so there was
nothing to make either man interested in changing his
circumstances. They looked at marriage as a detriment to
their lives, not an asset.
Our time is finite, so we need to respect our own time and
desires as such. If you set a parameter to see progress in the
relationship, stick to it.
It's imperative, whether man or woman, to have parameters
around what you are willing to give as far as time to a
relationship with no direction. Once you have made a
decision on what you want and you have a conversation
around where the relationship is headed, you have to be
willing to move forward in or out of that relationship. Our
time is finite, so we need to respect our own time and
desires as such. If you set a parameter to see progress in the
relationship, stick to it. For example, if a woman were to
say, "I expect to move forward in this relationship within
the next six months" and the couple has been dating for five
years, that's a reasonable expectation. The parameter is fair
and you are giving your mate time to make a decision. The
reality is, if they don't meet that expectation and they
haven't met it for the past five years- six months, what
would make you think they will meet it in six more
months?! It's your precious time you can't get back. Spend
it wisely.
Is five years too long? Ten years? Is nine months too long?
Some people would say you can figure out if a relationship
is going to work in six months. There's no perfect timetable
for everyone. We have to communicate where we stand in
the relationship and where we want to see it go. Watch to
see if it's moving in the direction you have planned. If
things are going as planned, you will find your timetable is
perfect for you.
Via: Blackandmarriedwithkids
No comments:
Post a Comment