If you have been through or are going through such silent
suffering, be assured that there are ways to deal with it.
Read on to know some effective ones.
Express your grief
Your partner and you have been excited about the
pregnancy. There has been a lot of reading, deciding on
baby names, checking out baby strollers, painting the spare
room that has been going on for weeks. When all the
excitement suddenly seizes to exist, it is evident that there
will be a sense of loss. Most of the times, men get so busy
tending to their wives' emotional needs that they forget
about their own emotions. It must be understood that there
is no other way to cope but to grieve. Anger, denial, and
feeling low and frustrated are normal. Give yourself some
time to calm down, but make sure to express and vent out
emotions. Piling up feelings inside can be emotionally very
toxic.
Do not let guilt or regret take over
There might be days when your wife is going through
extreme phases of depression. If you are experiencing the
same emotions, do not feel guilty about it. You are not
being selfish if your attention shifts to your own pain for a
while. There would even be days when you would regret
sharing the news of the pregnancy with your friends and
family, and might wonder if you were a little "too excited".
But remember that it is normal to feel excited on the news
of impending parenthood. You expressed your emotions
very naturally then, so feel okay about expressing your
emotions even now. Your loved ones will the firsts to
comprehend your pain.
Do not blame anybody
Hard times can create turmoil in any relationship.
Especially when the trauma is due to unexplained reasons,
you can end up blaming yourself or your wife for the
situation. "If only I were there…," "If only you were
careful enough…" and other such statements can become
the common reason for increasing disruption in the
household. You need to realise that what has happened has
already happened, and you need to look forward to the next
day if you wish to move any ahead. Talking to each other
or at times being a quiet listener can soothe the negative
thoughts.
Talk your heart out
Most men are known to keep their emotions to themselves.
Unlike women, men do not call up friends to share if
something is bothering them. But this time, try to call up
your 2 a.m. friend and speak your heart out. It can be
anyone- a brother or sister, a cousin, an uncle or anyone
you feel comfortable talking to. The best choice would be
expressing yourself to your wife. However, she might not
be in a state of mind to listen and understand at this point of
time.
Get busy as soon as possible
It is true that you must tend to your grief and give yourself
time to get over the extreme pain. But this can set a vicious
cycle of feeling low and sulking in the house. You can
break this only by stepping out to carry out your routine
activities. Start slowly and don't over exert yourself.
Getting back to work will take your attention off the pain.
Interaction with your colleagues, planning the daily tasks
and other such activities will distract you and eventually
make you feel better than before.
Try for another child without any stress
People around you would suggest having another child to
make things better. Although that is the best solution, you
need to be careful when taking this decision. After deciding
that you both are mentally completely ready, discuss with
your doctor about the risks in another pregnancy or the
special care to be taken. If you feel that you or your wife is
still feeling depressed, take help of a counsellor. Being
emotionally stable, calm and positive is extremely
important for a healthy pregnancy. Having another baby
will certainly brighten your world again.
A miscarriage is a stressful ride of ups and downs for any
couple who goes through it. But being understanding
towards yourself, as much as towards your partner, goes a
long way to get things back to the normal.
Culled from Bollywoodshaadis
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