I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to
show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss
called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the
last straw. Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I
had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even
wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, &
went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You
don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone. Your EX-Husband P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
—— Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7
years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've
been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn't work. I DID
notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that
came to my mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my
mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say
something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About
those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a
coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me
that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we
could work it out.
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job &
bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were
gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a
dime from me. So take care. Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As
Hell & Free! P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem…
Chai!!!
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