JOKE: BILL OF NO RIGHTS

Our Rights: The following was written
by State Representative Mitchell Kaye
from Cobb County, GA
We, the sensible people of the
United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some
semblance of justice, avoid anymore
riots, keep our nation safe, promote
positive behavior, and securethe
blessings of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more
time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the
terminally whiny, guilt-ridden,
basically lazy people. We hold these
truths to be self-evident:
ARTICLE I: You do not have the
right to a new car, big screen TV, or
any other form of wealth. More power
to you if you can legally acquire them,
but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the
right to never be offended. This
country is based on freedom, and that
means freedom for everyone - not just
you! You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different opinion,
etc., but the world is full of idiots, and
probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the
right to be free from harm. If you stick
a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be
more careful. Do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your
relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the
right to free food and housing.
Americans are the most charitable
people to be found, and will gladly
help anyone in need, but we are
quickly growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who
achieve nothing more than the creation
of another generation of professional
couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the
right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public
housing, we're just not interested in
health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the
right to physically harm other people.
If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim
or kill someone, don't be surprised if
the rest of us want to see you fry in the
electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the
right to the possessions of others. If
you rob, cheat or coerce away the
goods or services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest of us get
together and lock you away in a place
where you still won't have the right to
a big-screen color TV or a life of
leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the
right to demand that our children risk
their lives in foreign wars to soothe
your aching conscience. We hate
oppressive governments and won't lift
a finger to stop you from going to fight
if you'd like. However, we do not
enjoy parenting the entire world and
do not want to spend so much of our
time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform and a
funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the
right to a job. All of us sure want all
of you to have one, and will gladly
help you along in hard times, but we
expect you to take advantage of the
opportunities of education and
vocational training laid before you to
make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the
right to happiness. Being an American
means that you have the right to
pursue happiness, which, by the way,
is a lot easier if you are unencumbered
by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were
confused by the Bill of Rights.